Random Messes

Gory Inventory

Have you ever felt as though your insides were all messy? Like your head is an attic full of old messages and dusty values that refuse to allow you move forward? Every time you go up there intending to make use of some of the valuable stuff you’ve collected over the years, you become distracted by the aging acquisitions and unfinished projects you’ve accumulated; so much so that the only thing you can do is shut the door and hope there’s time one day for you to get up there and dig through the mess. If only you had a few days of uninterrupted time, you’d get up there and sort shit out once and for all. Heh. Yeah.

I’ve been off of work for a couple of days due to the weather and while snow days can be fun and full of activity, I’m all alone with nothing but my messy head to keep me company. Naturally, this would be the perfect time to dig through all that stuff and get things in order, but have you ever tried to clean out your garage in one day? Doesn’t happen, does it? You end up finding old toys and half painted pictures and pretty soon you’re just sitting there in the middle of the mess getting nothing accomplished.

But is that so bad? After all, you can’t decide what you want to keep until you inventory everything. And that includes the stuff in your head. And stopping to play with the things we find may help us decide if we are ready to move on from them.

Change only occurs when we are ready, and it happens a little bit at a time. We can no sooner overhaul our messy thinking patterns in one day than we can clean out a cluttered crawl space that has been accumulating junk for 20 years. But at some point we do have to start somewhere.

What old junk is up in your head that keeps you distracted from taking that next step in your life? Maybe its an old message of inadequacy from your parents that keeps you from pursuing your dream. Perhaps its a betrayal from a past relationship that keeps you from trusting your heart to someone new. Or maybe it’s just the idea that what you “should” be doing is different than your current experience that keeps you from fully living in the moment.

No one is going to give you permission to throw away the guilt and finish that painting. No one can dust off your heart for you so that it is open to someone new. And a thousand people telling you that you are good enough isn’t as powerful as you deciding that for yourself.

Start here: get up in that attic you call a head and bring down one thing you think could be holding you back. Just one. Remember, we’re starting slowly. Comment and let me know what you find. After all, sometimes my head is like the ‘hood – it’s not wise to go in there alone.

5 Comments

  1. Jonathan Havens

    I have to say being alone in my head is a dark place and no fun at all-at times when im not doing what i should be. I think for a long time i coped using certain methods that just didn’t agree with me. I think thats why I’d smoke cigs so much before as wl as other things also. A sort of way to lul in my self pity/pain and degregate my self worth,who i was,where i was and where i went. Alone in my head remeniscing with the pain as if the memories were a dear old friend i had missed. Misery loves company and i knew plenty who didnt relish that at all lol nor care to understand it or able to relate also. I had to come to a pivitol moment in life i can really say it’s when God took me back but more really He was always there anyway.A bottom.It was more me coming back to Him than anything else.Maybe more a thy will be done, I stop trying to have mine and ask for His and life becomes a lit simpler and more joyful. I had to forgive myself more than be forgiven by someone i suppose. The demons constantly try tricking me into not believing in proof of progess, that in fact peoples definition of me when i was vs. who I am presently and striving for defined me but as we all should know that is quite untrue and opposite of the matter, but i know i wouldnt be where i am today if i hadnt done what i did back then and in that i truelly can find no regret in these days, the time really wasn’t wasted. As aweful as i can feel i have to remind myself that its a gift. I’m stronger because of it and i can share it with those who need help who lost the hope i found again. M. Scott Peck once said “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways and truer answers.”I believe no matter what i think in my head, whether i understand it or not is of little relevance to the fundamental wellbeing of my life. I’m alive have a good family,a job and a place to rest my head all i should feel is joyful and free because God freed me from my guilt and pain a long time ago lol being alone in my head these days, well truelly I’m never really alone. Not anymore.

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  2. I had to think about this one for a couple of days before I decided what to say. The biggest box of crap in my attic is the one that keeps me reacting to stuff instead making a plan and taking the initiative. The end result is that I’m pretty much Olympic-grade at winging it, dealing with whatever comes up and getting something out of it — but I’m not all that good at actually making progress toward being where I want to be or getting what I want.

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  3. Craig

    While cleaning the “Garage” I find it quite useful to decide what brings value to your life and what is clutter. Simply removing the clutter is all you may require however the clutter will pile up again in your “Emotional Garage” if you don’t consistently remove the clutter. It is easier to focus your time and efforts on those who matter and what matters most in your world.. People,, not material items. Just don’t throw away the snow boots Sara, you may need them one day! 😉

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  4. Carrie

    Love it. I thought I had spent the last year sitting in the middle of the mess in my head getting nothing accomplished, but somehow am starting to see that I just had a very deep crawl space and I had to make my way to the very back before I could begin to throw away and dig out from under the mess. Thanks Sara.

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